Green light
by Sirius.Fan hp
Summary: Only James dies on Halloween, 1981. Lily mourns. Rated T to be super safe. Hurt/comfort without much comfort. Just sad Lily. One shot.


**Hey to anyone who is reading this! Thanks! You just made my day. I'm trying to write and anyone who reads is encouraging me. I'm going to give you guys an inspiration quote because… why not?**

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**Quote is: _the road to success is always under construction_**

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**\- S.F (Sirius.Fan.hp)**

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**(DISCLAIMER- I do not own these characters. ****Much**** as I wish I did. It's a shame really)**

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O-O-O

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She could barely walk around the house, _let alone_ drag herself to the bathroom to look in the mirror. She didn't really want to see her reflection anyway. She had not showered in forever and her hair was most likely the worst sight in the world, but those things were not the reason she couldn't stand to see herself. Not at all.

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She could not bear to see them. HE had always found them beautiful, she had found them average, until she saw them on her son. Her eyes, she had thought, looked plain on her, but on her son they were beautiful.

But that's what she had thought. Before. Before that night on Halloween, 1981. It hadn't been that long ago. Actually it was only a month ago. Or two... she lost track of time.

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After that night, the only thing she could think of when she saw her eyes was the flash of green light she had seen. Every time she saw her eyes she remembered HIM.

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His enthusiasm.

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His laughter.

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She missed everything about him, the way he talked, the way he walked. The way he ran his fingers through his hair, a habit she used to detest in school. After they started dating, she picked up the habit from him, running her hands through her long auburn hair. Through his as well, every chance she got.

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She missed his glasses, the way they framed his hazel eyes. She remembered those eyes. They would stare at her, capturing her eyes, and- her eyes.

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_Avada Kedavra._

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Green light. So much like the colour of her own eyes. She hated seeing her eyes. Green filled her nightmares.

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_"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! I'll hold him off!"_

_"Avada Kedavra"_

_**Green light**_

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She could barely think about her eyes without crying. She missed him. Missed him so much. When she thought about him, she broke down. Every time she thought about him. Everything that reminded her of him set her off sobbing her heart out.

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But there was one thing in the world that shook her more than anything.

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Her son.

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Except it wasn't hers.

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It was THEIRS.

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But he was almost a carbon copy of him, of the man she loved. Almost. Because his eyes were not hazel, they were green. Like hers. Like the green light.

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_"Avada Kedavra!"_

_**Green light**_

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Much as she hated it, she could not bear to look at her son. Not without seeing his hair, his face shape. Her eyes.

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Sirius was taking care of Harry for the time being. Sirius was distraught. But Sirius was still functional.

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Lily Potter wasn't, but she wanted to be.

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She wanted to be able to do _something_.

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More than anything, Lily wanted to remember James. Remember all the annoying and wonderful things about him. Without breaking down.

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And whenever she looked at her son, for a split second she did. Until she would focus on the green eyes...

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Lily did not want to stay in the small, comfortable cottage in Godric's Hollow. Well, she wanted to, but she couldn't go into a room without seeing a photo or remembering something, and then she would start crying again.

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People told her that the pain would go away. And logically, she knew that one day she would come to terms with how he died.

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But practically, there was no way that anyone, let alone she, could heal from this emotion **pain** that she felt- and it was literal pain. It tore at her heart, at everything about her.

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She had felt like this when her parents died, but much less.

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Most likely because she did not know the exact moment they were killed, hadn't stood _in the same house _while Voldemort—

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_"Avada Kedavra"_

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She wanted to heal, because of James, but mostly because of Harry. He deserves his mother back. She would need to be strong for him.

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Because no matter what colour his eyes were, he was James's son.

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Harry **James Potter**.

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And she wants to remember James. She wants to heal.

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Someday.

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O-O-O

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**Wow. I wrote a story. Please, if you read this, keep in mind this is my first ever fanfiction. I'm sorry that it's short, but one shots are easier to write than long stories and I don't want my first story to one I end up discontinuing because it's too much. **

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**If you read, and have any feedback, critical or positive, comment and I will try and improve my writing in any way I can.**

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**Also, I know there are full stops in between paragraphs, ffnet is being annoying and isn't letting me do a proper gap, so I'm improvising. If you know how to get around this promblem, could you tell me? Thanks.**

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**-S.F**


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